To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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