Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
