Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
