whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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