farters have to be the big spoon...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
