OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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