did you get engaged???
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
