just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
