I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
