I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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