The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
