oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
