why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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