if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
