3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
