...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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