he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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