my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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