Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
