Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
