i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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