Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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