I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
