I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
