There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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