u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
