It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Two words: nipple clamps
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