But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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