I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
