Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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