so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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