party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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