life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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