I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
