just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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