my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
