her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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