im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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