He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
