can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
