dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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