i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
