Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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