Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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