Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
