I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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