You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
