Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we're making bets on your personal life
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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