i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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