would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
