man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
